Monday, June 1, 2015

T-SHIRTS ARE HERE!!!!!!

Our wonderful t-shirts are available!!!!

Big thanks you Adrienne Doffer the Owner of Bling It Up Tees for designing our t-shirts!





Email me at hnburzlaff@gmail.com

*Name
*Size(s)
*Quantity
*Mailing Address

I willl send you an invoice!

Thursday, April 30, 2015

30 is looming...

I turn 30 on May 11.

I am not looking forward to 30 AT ALL.

By 30 I wanted to be working on baby #2....not STILL trying for baby #1.

By 30 I wanted to own our own home....not STILL renting.

I wanted to go to Hawaii for my 30th birthday...

Instead, we are using every extra dollar to pay for Dr. appointments and medications.  No extra dollars to buy a house, no extra dollars to go on vacations, just none no extra dollars.

We have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years! FOUR Years! When we started trying when I was 26. It's not unreasonable to think that we will be trying for another 4- 5 more, that puts me at 35...

"Pregnancy after 35Are you considering pregnancy after 35? Understand the issues for older mothers — and know what it takes to have a healthy pregnancy. If you're older than 35 and hoping to get pregnant, you're in good company. Many women are delaying pregnancy well into their 30s and beyond — and delivering healthy babies. Taking special care can help give your baby the best start.Understand the risksThe biological clock is a fact of life, but there's nothing magical about age 35. It's simply an age at which various risks become more discussion worthy. For example:

It might take longer to get pregnant. You're born with a limited number of eggs. As you reach your mid- to late 30s, your eggs decrease in quantity and quality. An older woman's eggs also aren't fertilized as easily as a younger woman's eggs. If you're older than 35 and haven't been able to conceive for six months, consider asking your health care provider for advice.

  • You're more likely to have a multiple pregnancy. The chance of having twins increases with age. The use of assisted reproductive technologies — such as in vitro fertilization — also can play a role.
  • You're more likely to develop gestational diabetes. This type of diabetes, which occurs only during pregnancy, is more common as women get older. Tight control of blood sugar through diet and physical activity is essential. Sometimes medication is needed, too. Left untreated, gestational diabetes can cause a baby to grow significantly larger than average — which increases the risk of injuries during delivery.
  • You're more likely to develop high blood pressure during pregnancy. Research suggests that high blood pressure that develops during pregnancy is more common in older women. Your health care provider will carefully monitor your blood pressure and your baby's growth and development. You might need to take medication or deliver your baby before your due date to avoid complications.
  • You're more likely to have a low birth weight baby and a premature birth. Premature babies, especially those born earliest, often have complicated medical problems.
  • You might need a C-section. Older mothers have a higher risk of pregnancy-related complications that might lead to a C-section delivery, such as placenta previa — a condition in which the placenta blocks the cervix.
  • The risk of chromosome abnormalities is higher. Babies born to older mothers have a higher risk of certain chromosome problems, such as Down syndrome.
  • The risk of pregnancy loss is higher. The risk of pregnancy loss — by miscarriage and stillbirth — increases as you get older, perhaps due to pre-existing medical conditions or fetal chromosomal abnormalities. Ask your health care provider about monitoring your baby's well-being during the last weeks of pregnancy."  
*http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/in-depth/pregnancy/art-20045756

So NO, I'm not excited about my birthday. I'm battling infertility, depression and time itself




Tuesday, April 28, 2015

I'm a testaholic

It starts with...I'll use a cheapie


It grows to....I think I see something

let me play with this!




yea I think I see something....
Maybe its just line eye...
Nope, I see something....
Could it be an indent? I bet it's an indent



I'm better take a FRER to make sure...

OH I see something!

yea...thats probably an indent too

It's too early...









Thursday, April 23, 2015

A dream is a wish your heart makes.....




I had always dreamed how I would tell Jaimy he was going to be a Daddy...


I have the perfect idea, the perfect onesie, and some perfect awesome friends that promised to help pull off the perfect surprise....

Infertility has ruined it....I have multiple ultrasounds, and Jaimy being the most perfect husband makes it to ALL of them, he knows where my cycle is, when I'll be testing, and ultimately it will be impossible to surprise him.

Yet knowing all of this I still want to try...I even gathered the pictures of the ideas and almost uploaded them.

My infertile heart still clings to the DREAM of MAYBE, maybe this month it will happen and I can time it to where I can surprise him.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS....ovidrel, novarel, and other triggers

Nope not the fun kind 





The lovely trigger shot....



Severe Side Effects Include:
  • severe pelvic pain;
  • swelling of the hands or legs;
  • stomach pain and swelling;
  • shortness of breath;
  • weight gain;
  • diarrhea;
  • nausea or vomiting; or
  • urinating less than normal.
Less serious side effects may include:
  • headache;
  • feeling restless or irritable;
  • mild swelling or water weight gain;
  • depression;
  • breast tenderness or swelling; or
  • pain, swelling, or irritation where the injection is given.
Today is 6DPT and it is still showing up, its a very faint line. All the trigger does is shows me that my HPT's they work...I haven't seen a positive one in so long that I thought maybe every single one is from a defective Lot!  

Testing out trigger is what I do to make sure the HCG is completely out of my system so when I test at the end of my TWW I know for sure if it is a BFN or BFP.  I could just wait it out and let my Dr do my beta...but I like having an idea before the nurse calls and says "Your test came and it is...." I always finish her sentence 'negative..." she says "yes...stop your progesterone and wait for your period to come."

Monday, April 20, 2015

4 years of Silence

Essentially from April 2011 until April 2015 I suffered with infertility only telling my closest friends and family. With the exception of my work, since I was having to take extended lunch breaks multiple times a week to get to the Dr. Office. Many of which I did not receive manager respect of privacy manager.

Why People don't talk about Infertility Openly?
People are uncaring, people are crude, people feel that infertility is a dirty word, people don't want to talk or know about things that scare them.

Miscarriage, it happened to me. I bottled it up and never talk about it. I cant talk about it it brings me to tears, it makes me crazy, I imagine my little boy everyday, I think about him everyday, he would be turning 4 in October.

No one wants to think about what if their child no longer existed that their body failed them, failed their child. Mine did, my body failed us both.

If I could have chose between us, I would have chose him, he would have so many people to love him.

Infertility,it IS happening to me, every day. We have been having well timed unprotected sex for 2 years. What is well timed sex? Well timed sex is having sex on your fertile days, how do we know our sex is well timed? When not monitored by our infertility doctor, I use OPKS to predict ovulation and BBT to confirm ovulation.  It can take the average couple a YEAR of trying (with out well timed sex) to get pregnant. If you are OPK, BBT, and having well timed sex you increase your odd's.

When monitored by our infertility doctor, I am pumping my body full of hormones and having trans-vaginal ultrasounds 2-3x a week. We know exactly when to have sex.

Most of friends..."I think about getting pregnant and BAM we are pregnant...." it is hard for them to imagine....actively trying for 4 years with nothing to show for it. I sometimes think people honestly believe I am over-exaggerating. I am not. Imagine every child you easily conceived not existing because your body wasn't working.

Once AGAIN my body failed me, it fails me every month, then it reminds that I failed by bleeding for 4 solid days.

So WHY?!

WHY??? Did I go through all of this with out reaching out for support??

POST MISCARRIAGE:
"At least you know you CAN get pregnant"

"Are y'all trying? Or did you decide you didn't want kids?"

"Are you two getting divorce since you lost the baby?"



INFERTILITY:
"It will happen...when it is meant too...."

"It happens when you are READY..."

"You are still young"

"Have ya'll tried like being rough?? Sometimes if your 'harder' about it the sperm gets there better...." (ummm yea)

"Maybe this is God's of saying you two werent meant to be together..."




In trying to save myself from pain on April Fools day I posted multiple updates on no April's Fools Day pregnancy announcements....I guess I had annoyed an old acquaintance from high school.

I could call her out and leave her name un-blacked out, I mean she shared this on SOCIAL MEDIA, no privacy was expected to be yielded to her. I almost out of anger posted the screen shot of her cruel words on FB. Instead I call out the ex-acquaintance with no name. To ALL the acquaintances/friends/maybe even family if you can not support the 1:8 or 1:5 in your life going through substantial struggle LEAVE. LEAVE and keep your selfish ass-hat opinions to yourself!


THAT ABOVE IS why....


I hid my pain is eventually why I came out about it. My pain, others harsh words, others callousness, are mild compared to others. Others who have it worse than me are hiding still in fear of SOCIETIES views and beliefs on why their body is failing them

Monday, April 13, 2015

Infertility hurts...dont make it worse.


Things not to say to someone experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss...

Some of the worse things I have been told...

- Since you miscarried are ya'll going to get a divorce??
(awful to say on SO MANY LEVELS)

- Maybe you and Jaimy are not meant to be together, that is why you cant have a baby...
(wrong, just wrong)

- If you cant afford infertility treatments you cant afford a baby....
(Just a side note every time you want to get pregnant do you plop $200 - $500(Timed Intercourse), $500 - $2500 (IUI) or $10k - $20k (IVF) on your partners nightstand? Of course not, that would make your partner a hooker. Feel free to drop that on my night stand.

- Maybe God's plan isnt for you have baby...maybe you were meant for other things.
(Maybe so, but you don't know God's plan either.)

- Well So and So got pregnant after overcoming cancer...they truly deserved a miracle it was their turn.
(I agree they deserved a miracle, but that doesn't make me any less deserving.)

Trying to get pregnant...the trying must be fun hahaha...
(It would be fun and all if it resulted in a baby...you try having timed intercourse for YEARS and see if it takes any of the fun out of it.)